Seasons of Loneliness
by RainGoddess2040
Summary: Speed reminisces on his relationship with Eric during the 4 Seasons. Slash, Angst, Songfic. ES


**Title:** Season's of Loneliness  
**Fandom:** CSI: Miami  
**Author:** Me... T.T  
**Pairing:** Eric/Speed  
**Spoiler:** None  
**Warnings:** Character death - I think, Guy Love, angst

**Disclaimer:** Don't own the sexiness... T.T

**A/N:** From Tim's POV

------

**I long for the warmth of days gone by**

**When you were mine**

**But now those days are memories in time**

I wish that there were something that I could've done to stop what happened. Maybe if I had been kinder, sweeter, maybe if I had been drunk less.

I want you back, but I know I can't have you and that really hurts because if I can't be with you, there's no reason for me to be, is there?

**Life's empty without you by my side**

**My heart belongs to you**

**No matter what I try**

I can't think about anything or anyone else but you as I sit in this empty room. Oh, yeah, there's stuff in it, but the only thing that made any of this stuff mean anything was you. All the pictures, the sheets, the pillows the clothes in the closet – nothing means anything without you. God, just going to work and not hearing from you at least once during the day is painful and numbing. I solve cases just for the money and because it's my job now, not 'cause I really care. You're the only reason I did.

I can't enjoy anything without you with me. It hurts too much because you aren't here to laugh or smile at something I do or say.

**When I get the courage up to love somebody new**

**It always falls apart cause they just**

**Can't compare to you**

God is that part true. There's been more guys and girls than I can count – all of them with dark hair, brown eyes, dark skin and full lips and let me tell you, in Miami they are almost a dime a dozen. But like the song says, none of them compare to you.

I've tried. I really have tried to forget you. I've tried to have relationships with other people, but all I can to do is think of you and your lips, your body, your laughter… The way you looked when the sun hit your face.

All of my 'relationships' ended the same way – with the guy or girl leaving and me pining over you again. It hurt them and it hurt me. Why can't I forget you?

**Your love won't release me**

**I'm bound under ball and chain**

**Reminiscing our love as I watch four seasons change**

Most of my mind wants to, needs to let you go, but my heart and body and that other part of my mind that can't seem to forget what you look like naked won't let me. I'm locked away from ever finding another love because I can't let you go.

**In comes the winter breeze  
That chills the air and drifts the snow   
And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe**

Do you remember New York? Do you remember how cold it was? You hated it for like 5 minutes before you fell in love with snow. I still remember you running over to the window in the airport and saying, "Baby, come here and look at the snow falling. Oh my goodness! Its so beautiful."

You were like a kid on Christmas day and you acted like a kid on Christmas day. You were covered in all these layers of clothes; it looked like you could barely even move. I called you Michelin Man for the rest of trip after you took plunge into the snow in Central Park.

After that you said to remind you to never to do that again, but you did it anyway even after I reminded you not to.

**When springtime makes its way here  
Lilac blooms reminds me of the scent of your perfume**

There never really was a spring in Miami that I could remember. You told me that there always was a spring. I never said that I believed you to your face, but somehow, I always knew it was spring when you would walk into work and you smelled like oranges and tasted cool and tangy. Spring was always here for me when I was with you because I could smell it on your skin and taste it on my tongue.

**When summer burns with heat  
I always get the hots for you  
Go skinny dippin' in the ocean where we used to do**

Summer had to be your favorite time of year, while it was my absolute worst. Before you came into my life, I hated summer. While you were here with me, I grew to love it and of course, now that you're gone, I hate summer all over again.

Besides that, I remember a specific day, July 17. I also remember that it was hot as hell. After you thought I had run our electricity bill through the roof, you dragged me out to a secluded beach, which I later learned that you owned along with your sister, and we spent the whole day there. I don't ever remember having more fun than on that day.

You had brought enough food and drink for at least a weekend and I was tempted to spend the entire weekend there with you. We swam and played games on the sand until the sun set, which you made me sit and watch. I never watched the sun set, though. I was looking at you.

After the sunset, you brought out lanterns and set them up around us, you started a fire as well. You stepped out of sight of the fire and walked towards the ocean. I watched you in the clear moonlight. You stripped out of your trunks, winked back at me and walked into the water. It took me all of two seconds to make up my mind and follow you into the sea; I wore nothing at all.

**When autumn sheds the leaves the trees are bare  
When you're not here it doesn't feel the same **

You once told me that you had never seen leaves fall in autumn except in books. I didn't say a thing but bought two tickets to New York the next day.

I took you to central park and watched you look exquisitely amazed at something I had long taken for granted, just like now because I took you for granted.

I went to New York again, but it wasn't the same and it never will be. I need you with me.

**  
Remember the nights when we closed our eyes  
And vowed that you and I would be in love for all time  
Anytime I think about these things I shared with you  
I break down and cry cause I get so emotional **

**Until you release me I'm bound under ball and chain  
Reminiscing our love as I watch four seasons change**

I remember the day that your sister got married. You and I went home after the ceremony and you told me that one day you wanted to maybe get married. I told you that we never be able to do it, but we could just vow to eachother to have and to hold and all that other junk.

You looked so sad. I proposed the next day, but you wouldn't accept it and before I got a chance to try again, you were gone.

**This loneliness ****  
****Has crushed my heart****  
****Please let me love again****  
****Cause I need your love to comfort me and ease my pain****  
****Or four seasons will bring the loneliness again**

I can barely function without you in my life. I feel like I need your permission to love anyone ever again. Maybe instead I just need your. I can't live through another year of this. Please…

****

**Boyz II Men – 4 Seasons of Loneliness**

**I long for the warmth of days gone by**

**When you were mine**

**But now those days are memories in time**

**Life's empty without you by my side**

**My heart belongs to you**

**No matter what I try**

**When I get the courage up to love somebody new**

**It always falls apart cause they just**

**Can't compare to you **

**Your love won't release me**

**I'm bound under ball and chain**

**Reminiscing our love as I watch four seasons change**

**Chorus:**

**_In comes the winter breeze _****_  
_****_That chills the air and drifts the snow _****_  
_****_And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe_**

**_When springtime makes its way here _****_  
_****_Lilac blooms reminds me of the scent of your perfume_**

**_When summer burns with heat _****_  
_****_I always get the hots for you_**

**_Go skinny dippin' in the ocean where we used to do_**

**_When autumn sheds the leaves the trees are bare _****_  
_****_When you're not here it doesn't feel the same _**

**Remember the nights when we closed our eyes ****  
****And vowed that you and I would be in love for all time ****  
****Anytime I think about these things is shared with you ****  
****I break down and cry cause I get so emotional **

**Until you release me I'm bound under ball and chain ****  
****Reminiscing our love as I watch four seasons change******

**Chorus:******

**This loneliness****  
****Has crushed my heart****  
****Please let me love again****  
****Cause I need you love to comfort me and ease my pain****  
****Or four seasons will bring the loneliness again******

**Chorus:******

** ! Fin ! **


End file.
